Thursday is Relax Day

I started teaching yesterday and the students asked me where I was from and when I said San Francisco they looked at me with heads cocked like birds. I wasn't able to figure out why until after class when several said they thought I was going to say "someplace in Asia." All but one of them are white.

I'm grading papers right and watching this lovely movie on Lifetime, "The Substitute".

"High-school teacher Gayle Richardson has quite a temper. After finding out her sweet hubby was a two-timing jerk, she kills both him and his mistress in a rage and burns the house to the ground. A year later, Gayle is teaching in another town under a new name. But her luck is about to change when a few suspicious people — including the student she's seducing — start digging up this murderer's disturbing past."

This movie has it all, including a murderous vamp with a thick (faux?) British accent crushing girls inside of gym bleachers. And the foreshadowing elements of Mary Kay Letourneau's story is perfect because it turns out that this Sunday, Lifetime will be airing "All-American Girl: The Mary Kay Letourneau Story"!!!

Forget orientation week and teaching practicum. Walking these women is all the training I need.

Late Notes

It's 12:30 here in Bloomington, and I'm exhausted. Had my first day of classes and one of these classes -- "The Teaching of Creative Writing" -- is in one of the oldest buildings on campus. Which is to say: it doesn't have airconditioning, or at least not in the non-admin rooms, so I was stripping in classes and had to talk about how much I love bad movies and make fun of experimental poetry, with only a tanktop on.

I bought a scooter last week. I can't seem to upload the pics I took of it. It's a used Honda Metropolitan, red and cream (IU colors, no less) and I think I'll name it Hikki because that's what I was gonna call the dog Denay had gotten me (and an hour before I was to physically meet the dog, it got ran over by an disgruntled Asian woman).

I can't think. Instead, I'll paste in my Lost of Reasons to Watch the Fantasia Barrino Movie (that I had forgotten to post last week):

When she vomits at the breakfast table. Perhaps the best purge-on-camera moment since Linda Blair.

Also the scene where she walks into the church and just stumbles down the aisle, in the middle of mass, and sings acapella during a sermon, thus causing the whole choir to join in with her tearful wails. Because I always sing in sinc with strange pregnant women who walk into my church and cry Hallelujah, Hallelujah at the end. That scene was stolen right from Alex Haley's Queen, where Halle Barry stumbles into a church and screams, "Help...me...I'm...hungry...I...am...NEGRO! I AM NEGRO!"

But god damn, how can one woman deal with so much crap by the men and the system around her? I feel for you “Tasia”

I love how American Idol is referenced and playing in the background during various moments of the movie, for “subtle” foreshadowing. E.G. 'Tasia is shoplifting, and the convenient store worker is watching TV while the announcer introduces Clay Aiken.

Part so bad it doesn't even count as good: The movie doesn't touch on her illiteracy.

But she does do a PSA about it after the credits!

The list of pre-existing damages to the apartment I need to give my landlord, ten days after I had moved in

I'm so paranoid about being blamed for anything. When my parents were here, my father found the following (with some input from me):

Bathroom

• showerhead flange not securely adhered to wall
• holes in wall around the (non-toilet-side) towel racks, from a previously removed towel rack (also rough caulking on the right side)
• several large stains on vinyl floor
• floor chips/cut spots
  
• nicks in bathtub
• scratches & nail holes on rightside of cabinet and lower wall of the sink
• chips and holes directly above cabinet lights
  
• holes on wall left of sink
  

Doors

• Front door: scratches & paint spots, and wood peeling at bottom
  
• Small (linen) closet: wood peeling
  
• several large stains on vinyl floor
• paint spots, scratches, and strange dark lines on all wooden doors of entire apartment (including closet door of bedroom)

Carpet

• small white paint spots on carpet throughout apartment
• small red spots in living room near kitchen
  
• carpet not effectively adhered to wall edges
  

Kitchen

• Large counterrim chip right above dishwasher
  
• Crack on side of countertop next to oven
  
• burn spots on top next to oven
• about 40 nail holes of various sizes on walls, most notably screw holes in front of sink
  
• damages (e.g. scratches) to the wood walls of the dishwasher's countertop, along with peeling at the bottom
  
• about 20 scratches and marks on vinyl floor
• large stains on floor in front of, and coming from, the refridgerator and dishwasher (3)
• cracks where countertop meets walls (2 at caulking)
  
• burnt out lightbulbs

Living Room

• indentions (2) on wall on frontdoor side, along and turtle-shaped chip
  
• many bumps/raises on wall that stretches into kitchen
• also on living room-to-kitchen wall: long cracks that run along/from windows, from ceiling to floor
  
• several small nail holes (found 4)

Bedroom

• many small holes on walls, notably the inside wall (furthest from bedroom door)
• larger holes on window wall (4, along with another beneath the window counter)
  
• two large holes on upper wall connecting to linen closet (though this seemed intentional to allow flow from airconditioner/heater)
  

Home, Sweet Home!

I am using two different electric air-fresheners to get rid of this stale smell in my apartment that is part thrift-store and part funeral home

I started my orientation yesterday and everyone seems great and they're only twelve of us (six in poetry, six in fiction) and because of this, it's a little too obvious that I'm the only Asian person. And the only one representing the west coast in this batch of first year students.

Our director told us in the first 15 minutes of the day that we are not to date our students. About half an hour later two deans of the graduate school (I think...maybe one chancellor and one dean -- but what does it matter? They're both "important" persons) reminded us that were are not to date our students. Then about four other mentors/instructors told us at various times throughout the day that we are not to date our students. What an odd thing to suggest. All this time I was thinking to myself: Yes! Fresh, virginal, barely legal hicks! That is exactly why I joined this program!

I was told that for many of my students, it would more than likely be their first time seeing a person of color and to not be surprised if they use the term "Chinaman."

I took my parents to the Catholic church (as oppose to the nearly 80 other churches in Bloomington) on Sunday. I couldn't help up count how many non-white people there were: Us, a South Asian family of four, and an woman with her boyfriend: 9:250-ish. Not bad.

Enough about ethnic observation crap. Now for the important stuff:

Only a block or two away from campus is the Subway that Jerod went to. THE Jerod. Turns out he use to live right above the shop and he went to IU, and so I'm no longer proud of going to the school with the Lilly Library or the Kinsey Institute or the #1 Music school... It's all about being part of the alma mater of the man who taught America that you can achieve your dreams by walking downstairs to a chain that calls their workers "Sandwhich Artists." I have reached the motherland.

I spoke to some of the fellow graduate students about places I want to visit while I'm here and they offered some more suggestions to add to the thematic list. It now reads as follows:

-Fairmount, Indiana: James Dean's hometown, and the destination for the annual festival
-Gary, Indiana: So I can drive past the Jackson family house and hopefully feel the ghost of child abuse. I wonder if that tree the boys had to pick their switches from is still in the front yard, or if that was just fictionalized for that made-for-TV movie.
-Martinsville: The town about 15-20 minutes away that's suppose to be "80% Klan affiliated." Though, I'm reevaluating this since someone told me a Black girl was shot on someone's frontporch there when she went door-to-door selling Encyclopedia Britannica. Now that's the most non-threatening thing you can sell door-to-door. Why would they shoot her? I can understand the annoyance of someone holding a box set of designer steak knives or the Bible up to their keyhole. But this girl was selling Encyclopedia Britannica -- her only crime was spreading knowledge. Albeit overpriced knowledge. (I'll want at least two white people with me if I go here.)
-Graceland and Dollywood: Everyone I said this to raved about Dollywood.
-Graceland, Too: I was told about a man whose house is the home of the largest collection of Elvis whoo-ha, and you knock on his door at anytime and he'll give you a tour and if you go three times you become a lifetime member with free admission priviledge. I wonder how he'd react if I ring his bell with a stack of encyclopedia in hand.
-Lexington, Kentucky: Where Sybil settled down after merging her 16 "multiple personalities"
-That Subway: I'll put up a pic when I finally get a chance to do my pilgrimage. I pass by it on the bus from school everyday.

The cicadas here chirp like crazy all through the days and nights. I was told this is nothing compared to two years ago when they swarmed and Bloomington was featured on CNN because they took over the town and a short and frightful reign. When he was here, my dad collected some cicada shells they molted out of. I wonder if they allowed those on the plane or if it was considered restricted material.

I have a few more days to get the list of already-existing-damages-to-the-apartment-to-my-slumlords.

I need to get the new Outkast album.

Hoosier Daddy?

It is hot out here, and the humidity has turned the air into warm pudding. I actually feel like I'm back in Southeast Asia.

My place is not the amazing and well designed (affordable) home I thought I'd be getting. I shouldn't have been so naive as to think those damn models the apartment complex tour guides show you was the real deal. There are pockets of happy details among...not so happy details: Oh cool, I get a new toilet and sink...sitting on ugly, worn vinyl. Yay! New carpet...that's poorly installed and is driving my allergies crazy. Cobwebs with thumb-sized spiders, cracks in the wall, and peeling panels in my kitchen complete the murder scene that is now my home. You know that episode of South Park where people -- rather than wait in line at the airport -- would rather ride that machine that anally penetrated you and made you give oral and handjobs all at once? It's kinda like that: Despite my living condition, it sure beats living with dirty roommates again.

And here I was being so smug about how easy it was for me to find a place to live, and how cheap the rent is. I do believe it was the Germans who have the proverb, "God punishes all small sins immediately."

One of the home furnishing items that's making my place look a lot less depressing was delivered today: A couch I found at a used funiture store

I finally got my internet set up this morning. Hence this.

I got so bored and cramped (considering that my parents are still here) once I was able to check my email, that I started looking up internet porn in the living room. My mom was in the kitchen. My dad was in my room taking a nap. I was yards away from both. And even the porn did nothing to ward away my boredom. It was a slow day filled with rearranging the layout of my place, and trying to find a Public Radio station, only to just go into iTunes and broadcasting KQED. The little touch of home was be nice.

I now have a Sam's Club card, a Kroger's card, have twice gone to Walmart (shame on me), and been in and out of Target's doors fourteen times. There are a hell of a lot of Korean people here. They travel like packs of wolves -- I never see less than five a time. I first noticed this GOD DAMN MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS ARE MAKING SO MUCH NOISE AT 12:39AM DON'T THEY KNOW TO BE A BIT MORE CONSIDERATE?! IF THIS GOES ON DIAMANDA GALAS' ALBUMS WILL BE RINGING THROUGHOUT THIS PLACE ONCE MY PARENTS ARE OUT.

Okay. They stopped. Now, back to the Koreans. I just see Koreans hanging around outside of Target and the mall with other Koreans, speaking Korean.

I found a decently stocked Asian market. I can survive here. Carolyn had told me a while back that I need to destroy the relationship between the Korean American adoptee in my program and his parents. "For his own good!"

Half of the Hoosiers I've met have accents. I'm trying to acquire it for immitations purposes, once I'm back to visit.

I saw a business called "ARAB Pest Control" -- I'll be sure to snap a picture. Not sure what to make of that.

Packing

I hate it.

I also don't like being at my parent's place for more than a few hours at a time, as they just start telling me all the things I did wrong with my life.

God I'm annoying: such a complainer.

I miss people already. My apologies for not being more present during this whole Good-bye Process. Please accept these hilarious bad poems and emotional vomit from my slovenly ex-roommate's myspace, as a token of my remorse. (I went to retrieve my wireless router from my old place the other day, and there is now cookingware turned upside down in the carpeted livingroom. And that ceiling-scraping dead plant Tommy brought home is still on the kitchen table, rotting like Miss Haversham's cake in Great Expectations.)

I am leaving for Indiana in less than 12 hours. I have not had time to make my farewell phone calls to people. I told the saleswoman three times that I wasn't interested in opening a Macy's today because I'm from Indiana. When she asked for ID with my credit card, I handed over my California State ID like an idiot. But she said, sincerely, "Have a safe trip back to Indiana," after handing me my bag, so I guess it's okay.

Welcome to Klandyland!

You know Lil' Kim's intro to her reality tv show, Countdown to Lockdown?

Yeah--It's kinda like that. "In just four days, I am going to Klandyland..." Just kidding Indy. I love you and am very excited to become a Hoosier. Please don't lynch me.

Among the many things I will miss most here in SF is being able to watch this with my friends: From the network that brought you Student Seduction starring Jessie Spano, and Human Trafficking starring tATu, comes the feel good movie of the year:

The Fantasia Barrino Story: Life Is Not A Fairy Tale